Nick Nolte jumped out a window to escape from his Malibu home after it went up in flames on Tuesday. The fire did three million dollars worth of damage to the house while also threatening Nolte’s life. But let this be a lesson to fire. It has just joined the long list of things that have attempted to kill Nick Nolte. And failed.
Other things include:
* Drunk Driving. Nolte drives better drunk than sober.
* Divorce. Three divorces and multiple break-ups would kill most men. Not Nolte. He doesn’t pay child support.
* Making a Terrible Movie with Barbara Streisand. The important thing is he made it off the set with his life.
* Air Travel. When Nolte learned that his plane at an Hawaiian airport had it in for him, he did what any reasonable dude would do: got drunk and passed out in the terminal so he couldn’t fly.
* This Outfit.
* Passing on Han Solo. Nolte was the first choice to play Han Solo but passed on the role because he refuses to talk to guys in bear suits and thinks vests are for the gays.
* Starring in Hulk. Ang Lee’s version of the Hulk was so awful it has killed the careers of just about everyone involved. Except for Nick’s, of course. He rocked your face in Tropic Thunder. Speaking of which…
* Being in the Same Room as Robert Downey Jr. Many speculated that the two working together on Tropic Thunder would be too much combined awesomeness for both to endure. One dead hooker later, both men are alive and well.
* Bullets. Rumor has it that Nolte was shot on the set of 48 Hrs. when a real gun was mistaken for a prop gun. Supposedly the bullet passed right through and Nolte was back to making up lines after he poured some single malt on it.
* Kenny Rogers. We hear Kenny recently came after Nick for stealing his look and fried chicken recipe. We also hear Nick beat Kenny to within an inch of his life and then banged his daughter for good measure.
* Blue Chips. Holy shit that movie sucked. But Nick’s still breathing.
To put all of this in perspective, we are discussing the guy who starred in North Dallas Forty AND got kicked out of high school for drinking beers at football practice. He may damn well be invincible.
